Monday, 14 May 2012

My Hernia has popped Out!

It's the end of the English Premier League for another year...and what a way to end it!

I don't want to utter too many cliches, but there were highs, and of course with every football season...but more so this year!

If you follow English football, you'll know what I'm talking about..if you don't, then you have missed out on real drama...drama good enough to rival stuck up, pretentious theatre plays in London. You see, it all came down to the last weekend of the season to decide who won the Premier League title...and what made it even more sweeter, was the fact that it was two great rivals competing for that coveted trophy...Manchester United...and...Manchester City.

I shall describe to you what happened in my lounge, in front of the magic picture box yesterday in a moment, but first...what happened to my team...Blackburn Rovers...also in the Premier League...but no longer. 

Blackburn Rovers, who I have supported since 1989, when they had no money, and built their squad from local talent and experienced cast offs from around the leagues...have this season been relegated to the lower division. What happened to this once mighty club, who are in an elite group of teams who have won the Premier League....they were sold to chicken farmers, who know next to nowt about football..or what the club stood for, and represented in the local community. Rovers had been struggling financially for some time, since 'Uncle Jack's' money ran out...the same money that improved the stadium they occupy...and the same money that of course bought the Premier League title in the 1994-1995 season. The then board 'The Walker Trust', had a decision to make...battle on....or sell up and cut your loses.......they opted for the latter. Unfortunately they sold to the Venky's, who know alot about chickens...but not alot about football...and in their non existent knowledge they decided to sack the one man who probably could have kept us in the league...Big Sam Allardyce. We wouldn't have been top of the table, and we wouldn't have been bottom...somewhere in the middle if they had stuck with him. Another thing they promised (The Venky's), was investment in the squad...did it We ended up losing our best players, and using the small profit from their sales to buy some not so great players...apart from The Big Yak, who has been a bargain! 

The season has gone from the ridiculous, to the down right miserable. Promises were made from our non present chicken farmer owners that were never kept, and our man at the helm of this ever sinking ship, just kept looking at the positives. Now I commend him for this, but Steve Kean has got to admit to himself, and the fans, that this season has been a shambles...and no it isn't going to be alright next season..because our remaining skillful players will leave to stay in the Premier League with other teams. I totally lay blame on the shoulders of the majority of the players, not all of them...some have put in some magnificent performances...others not so much. The squad have to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask themselves..did they want to stay up...because from what I witnessed from the games I saw..there wasn't enough passion to survive. Eleven players on the pitch should all be putting a shift in, but too many times, it didn't look they could be bothered...and that angered me so much! They have been given this wonderous opportunity, to play football for a living...and get paid a huge amount of money to do so....yet they don't seem to realise who pays their wages.....the fans! If the fans don't like what they see, they will they did, in their droves...and more so, towards the end of the season....directing their anger at the manager....who give him his due, kept his nerve, under ridiculous pressure from the baying mob...and tried to get on with the job in hand. You can't blame Steve Kean...he didn't play one game for Rovers...not once did he pull on a shirt, tie his boots, and come on as a sub....blame the morons in the crowd! They are the ones who didn't put a shift in...even though they are getting more money in a week, than most of you get in a year.

If anyone is to blame in all this's the Walker Trust...for panicking, and selling out to totally the wrong people....soap box moment over.

So back to what I started this blog about in the first place...the big game yesterday. Manchester City needed to win their match against Queens Park Rangers to win the title...Manchester United needed to win their match, but also needed City to not win...both on the same points, but City had the goal difference in their favour. Anyway, the scene was set, both matches kick off at the same time, and I had decided to watch the City game, because it was theirs to I hate United, so I pledged my support to the blue half of Manchester.

The match kicked off, and the tension was unbearable from the first could cut the atmosphere with a knife. It was all City in the first half..trying to get that all important break through....then Zabaleta seized his opportunity...with a lucky goal that looped it's way over the top of the QPR keeper, and into the net. I cheered as it crossed the line, and some of the tension was released from my body..(not like that...sicko). Again, it was all City, trying to get another goal...then, who should pop up..Djibril Cisse, taking advantage of some poor defending courtesy of Lescott for City..and Cisse's power and speed took him through on goal with the ball, and struck hard and low past Jo Hart to draw it level. This was becoming too much to handle, especially as news was coming through that Rooney had scored for United, meaning at that stage, United were top of the table. Then more drama, the thug..Joey Barton (who shouldn't be playing football), lashed out at Tevez...then kicking in frustration Aguero, after being given the red card. As he was pulled from the field, Mario Balotelli tried to get in on the begs the question...why have a t-shirt asking 'Why always me'....when it is always you...being a knob!

Then against the run of play, which is entirely City, QPR go and score again...which is a great goal by Mackie....a fantastic powerful header into the ground, that evades the sprawling arm of Hart once again. Thus making it 1-2 to QPR, and meaning that United are going to win the title.......phew...this game is taking it out of me.

By this stage of the match, I've already had a couple of bevvies, and I'm really getting quite involved in this amazing game of football. Alot of shouting at the magic picture box, and shuffling around in my chair as Dzeko is brought on for City in the latter stages of the match. Now Dzeko hasn't had the best of I was wondering whether he would be up for the task at hand....and boy was he!! In the dying minutes of normal play, the huge Bosnian managed to find space in the QPR penalty area, and smashed a great header into the back of the net....absolute craziness ensued! The City crowd go mental, and so do I as the players grab the ball and run back to the centre circle ready to kick off. They only had seconds to score the winner, that would clinch the title from their arch rivals this point I was off my settee and just inches from my screen...clutching my pint glass, screaming at the telly 'COME ON CITY..YOU'VE STILL GOT TIME'!!

Then something truly unbelievable happened....(see video).....I cannot describe to you what noise came out of my mouth...but I haven't made a noise like that, since watching Blackburn Rovers when they were at their peak.....and it's been a while.....I yelled so hard that my Hernia popped out (I have a hernia by the way) was almost like he wanted to join in the celebrations!! I felt utter euphoria for the players...the manager....but most of all the fans....who had been on the worlds biggest roller coaster...and survived!!

The Manchester City players showed real guts, passion and belief that they could win that game....and it paid off...they got their reward...and gave me, one of the most entertaining, exhilarating games of football I've seen in such a long time.....and I thank you for that! 

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Now that's what I call Entertainment!

Every year Simon Cowell and his minions drag out all the Middle Earth occupiers to take part in yet another edition of his 'Britain's got Talent' show.

This year was no different from many of it's previous incarnations....we had all the freaks in the build up rounds, who's parents and 'friends' tell them that they have some kind of talent, and yes, they think they would be amazing....when in actual fact they suck the big one...and are basically put on our magic picture boxes for us to point and laugh at. Very similar to what we used to do in the circus many years ago.

This is Saturday night telly as we know it now's kind of changed since Bruce Forsyth, Noel Edmonds and Marti Caine was the main stay on our boxes. Do you know what though, I don't mind watching this stuff. I tend to like anything that the magic picture box churns out, because I grew up with the television box being my third was there for me at the flick of a switch, and I kind of love it for just being there...and providing me with entertainment.

Now, I've watched some of this current series...and yes we've had the freaks of nature....but do you know what...this show always finds diamonds in the rough. Susan Boyle being a prime example.....I was one of the millions who said those immortal words when she stepped out onto that stage...'what the f**k is that'? Yes, we all mocked her appearance, and her awkwardness...but then she started to sing...and every single person in that theatre, and around the country (including myself) sat up in our chairs, and we were utterly transfixed to what was in front of us. She had the most amazing actually brought me to tears...seriously! I couldn't believe how good her voice was....and that is what this bizarre show finds stars, who are hiding away in some god forsaken place called Blackburn...Scotland. 

This series has done exactly the same thing, in throwing together the final two acts. I actually watched the one with Jonathon when he made his first appearance on the audition stage, and I remember thinking at the time...'This guy could be another Boyle' (in a nice way). Again the crowd in the theatre gasped at the obese creature that stood before them, not really knowing whether it was female or male. You could hear tittering and laughing from the inbred ticket holders, who obviously hadn't developed from junior school. Then Jonathon spoke, and yet more gasps were heard....mean while I'm sat at home, transfixed, waiting to be blown away by what he had to offer. The reason I knew there was something amazing on the way, was because we had been given an almighty sob story by Jonathon and his singing that always gives you an indication something amazing is about to happen.

The music started, and I was so blown away by what came out of that obese lads mouth, I don't think I blinked....he had one of the best opera voices I had ever was actually humbling to witness what was happening in front of me. Then the emotion kicks in, you think to yourself, this poor lad, who obviously has confidence issues has been given this talent...and you think to need to get used to standing ovations son...because your going to be getting a hell of alot more!

Rumour has it, that Cowell has already got plans for Jonathon....and that is why Cowell is one of the richest men on the planet...he knows that the lad is going to make him money...and he loves his money...and the ladies!

So back to the winner of tonight's show 'Ashlie & Pudsey'.....Cowell all the way through the current series has stressed that he would love a 'Dog Act' to win the show...because he's a fan of dog's.....(insert certain female's name here). He got his wish of course....and to be honest, if I had picked up the phone to vote, my vote would have been for Pudsey. Why I hear you cry...well, for one simple reason....every time I saw them perform on the show, I had a smile from ear to ear...and for some unknown reason I would cry with joy watching them.

It was something about the way Ashlie utterly adored Pudsey, to the point that you could see they had developed the kind of bond that most dog owners can only dream of. Whilst most dog owners are trying to get the family dog to stop eating the wives knickers...Ashlie has got Pudsey moon walking on stage, in front of thousands....on national telly!

I can't explain the inner joy it gave me to see how much they enjoyed each others company, it really made me cry with happiness...and that doesn't happen very often. I often cry at seeing people exude enjoyment...not sure why...I think it's got something to do with the fact that there isn't enough of it around!

So Ashlie and Pudsey have won Britain's got Talent for 2012...and why the hell not!?! There was alot of people on twitter earlier saying what the hell is going on with the world, when a dog wins a talent show.....well, consider this, you negative arse wipes...maybe all the people who voted for them, saw exactly what I saw...a bond that can't be broken...and long may it continue!

I wish them all the success in the world!

Friday, 11 May 2012

Derek gets Commissioned

It's a bit belated, but I felt as though I should write something about Ricky Gervais's show 'Derek' getting commissioned by Channel 4.

I love everything that Gervais has done...even 'Life's Too Short', which let's face it, wasn't his best. It still had moments of brilliance though, that had me in stitches...falling out of his car...sleeping in the drawer...genius!

Derek is Gervais back to his best, the writing, the acting, the emotion...and the humour is bang on the money. 

I remember watching it and going through so many emotions, it is what great British telly is all about. If a program can take you on a roller coaster of emotion, make you cry and laugh at the same time...then as far as I'm concerned, it has ticked all the boxes.

I love how Gervais has once again managed to suck me into this world of Derek's.

The fact that Karl Pilkington is in the series as well, is a huge bonus as far as I'm concerned. The fact that Gervais has given the world Pilkington, is reason enough to give him a Knighthood! Idiot Abroad is one of the funniest shows ever conceived, and I cant wait for Karl and Warwick Davies new show to appear on my magic picture box. Karl just has a knack of making me smile from ear to ear, with his god given talent of producing natural it!

Derek on the other hand does something entirely different...ok, it still has elements that made the Office and Extras such great shows, but it has so much more emotion in it. The fact that it is set in an old folks home instantly makes you attached to what is happening on screen...everyone has grand parents, and everyone fears growing old and ending up in one of those places.

Gervais portrays the character Derek so well, instantly you find him adorable..because he is so nice and his own special way. The attachment he has to the people in the home is heart wrenching, and quite difficult to watch at times.

I found it to be even more difficult to watch because I, like so many, have lost grandparents, and when I see things that remind me of them..I usually get very emotional. The scene where Derek is told that Joan has passed away really hit home, not just because I had sat with my Grandmother on her last day..but because of Gervais's portrayal of the emotions you go through, when someone you love passes away.

He truly is a great writer, producer, performer and comedian, and I really think we should thank him for being in our lives..and for what he has given us...the gift of laughter, and I for one can't wait for Derek the series to start!

Thursday, 10 May 2012

15 Days Later

So, the Avengers movie has hit the cinemas, and I still haven't managed to go and see it. 

I have been waiting..nay, chomping at the bit, to go and drink in all the glorious action on the big screen, but for one reason or another (mainly cash flow), I haven't bought the tickets.

'Looking forward to this movie' is an understatement...there are certain films that come along and I get a kind of Spidey Sense, telling me that I must see this movie. From the announcement of it happening, my inner child began to giggle insanely! 

It happened most recently with the latest 'Transformers' movie, even though I knew that Mr Bay would be filling it with hardly any script as didn't matter...mainly because Optimus Prime would be once again walking glorious CGI! To see him come to life in the first of Bay's outings was a shear delight...literally goose bumps all over me....and nearly a tear of utter joy!

I've had exactly the same feelings about this movie...allow me to explain a little further...remember when you were a child, and you asked your parents for a certain toy for Christmas? Then, on Christmas morning, you ran downstairs in your jimmy jams to see what Santa have left under the tree...all excited you rip open every prezzie, desperately searching for that one special toy! Then, you rip open one large box to reveal that certain item! You fill up with a warm fuzzy feeling...all over, and for that very brief moment, your life is complete. 

Well that is the feeling these kind of movies have given me, and seeing as these certain childhood emotions are very briefly felt...I need that buzz often...well as often as possible!

I remember as a child, watching all of the Avengers cartoon series, and often wondering why Iron Man's battery kept going flat....I always thought 'He can't be using Duracel'. Then as I grew up into adulthood, comic books and the movies turned my head. 

Each of the Avengers individual character films have had great elements, especially 'Iron Man' and 'Thor', both of which were superbly written and performed. Downey Jnr has been a total stroke of genius as Tony Stark, his wit and delivery is second to none.

I've read all the hype, and watched all the trailers.....and now of course, I know the movie is all I'd hoped it would be...but through third party reviews. You have no idea how much this drives me up the wall, that I can't just buy the tickets...for a viewing time specifically when there are no children / old people or chavs....sit in my half way up / middle of the screen, comfy seat...and drink it in...giggling insanely inside. 

That day will come soon....I hope......?