Thursday, 22 November 2012

The Dark Knight Raises Some Questions

Well let me start by apologising for not blogging for so long...I'm slack like that...I'll try and get my act in order.

So I finally got round to watching Batman : The Dark Knight Rises, I've been looking forward to watching the latest edition in the Bale trilogy, because I have thought that he has been a superb Batman...I'd even go as far as to say...better than Michael Keaton...I know, I know..he was the first to done the mask on the big budget screen (If you don't count Adam West in his tights).

Anyway, I lit the fire...turned all the lights off...switched the surround sound up to 11, and prepared to be amazed and enthralled....and to be honest...I was a little let down...woh there neddy...let down I hear you cry...yes...let down. Not massively, I was still covered in goose bumps during several sequences..and it still pushed all the right emotional it comes....there were some cavernous holes in the plot! One glaringly huge one...which they just brushed aside as if the movie watching, batman fans wouldn't spot it...or question it.

I of course refer to the small matter of Bruce Wayne finding his way back from the prison in Albania to Gotham.....? Now since watching the film I have done some snooping on the net and found a great little site explaining all the questions asked by frustrated movie watchers like is the link if you would like to know more :

The link above does explain alot, but whilst watching the movie I'm sure that I, along with alot of other saddo's shouted "How the hell did he get to Gotham..and get a whole new wardrobe"!?!

This wasn't the only thing that bothered me about the movie...what the heck was Bane's voice about???? I couldn't look at the character of Bane, without seeing in my minds eye...Cringer from He-man....Scooby-Doo....and Pete's Dragon! It was the weirdest voice choice I've heard in along time...don't get me wrong...I kind of liked the voice...but not for Bane...a muscle bound mad man! It would have suited an English gent character...from Oliver Twist maybe...or a deeper Alan Partridge.....Ah-Hah Batman!!

So...after feeling that both the main characters had rather odd voices...I came up with this....enjoy!

Monday, 11 June 2012

An unexpected Suprise!

A few weeks ago we had a gathering which I talked about in a previous blog, concerning a party for Eurovision. You know, the one were someone infected me with the lurgy....ah that one!

Well I'm over the lurgy, and suddenly remembered that I hadn't told you about a wonderful surprise that one of our guests brought with them.

My partner EJ had organised the get together, and invited some of our old 107 The Bee listeners along. Now, as alot of you fellow radio presenters will know, you often get quite a few fans who are a bit on the odd side....or as we call them in the industry...'window lickers'........but you also get some positively delightful listeners as well. These are the people that are a pleasure to bump into whilst out and about...buying toilet roll in the local store.......the 'window lickers' not so much.

Anyway, one of the guests at our get together was the lovely Michelle, who had said in previous said local store....that she had something for me. So of course I was excited to see what it was, and when she arrived at our house she revealed all.......

After welcoming her into the house, she told me to shut my eyes...and hold out my hands.....normally this is weird at the best of times, even more so when it's a listener to your radio shows....god knows what they are going to put into your hands. As I held out my fingers, I felt something cold and hard in my hands....I opened my eyes, and the object you see above was in my grasp.

My response was something along the lines of...'f**k off'....said in a nice way....not in a, get out of my house way. I couldn't believe that she had first of all, found the item, and second saved it for so long, simply for the purpose of gifting it to me. I was flabbergasted to be honest. The item is a biscuit tin, in the shape of an old fashioned radio.....but with my radio nickname on the front.....AMAZING! It was just a lovely thing to be someone who listened to me on the is weird the effect you have on people who hear you on the wireless, you don't really realise the fact that what you say sticks with people.....I mean, I just said whatever spilled out of my brain most of the time. 

It's just lovely to know that she enjoyed my shows that much, that she went to the effort of getting that tin, and saving it for me........I'm still totally taken aback by that.

Thank you Michelle, it now takes pride of place with my other novelty radio's.

Friday, 1 June 2012

10ft Away?

A few years ago, whilst looking out of my back window...I happened to glance up to the bird table, which I kept well stocked with bird food..and stale bread. When I saw something sat with it's back to me, filling it's face with of course I thought to myself...'Aw, there's a nice little grey squirrel helping itself to some food'. On closer inspection, I realised very quickly that it wasn't a squirrel at all...and was in fact a rather fat looking rat! I banged on the window, and off it went...never to be seen again.

Well today, it would seem that the rats have returned to the neighbourhood. The problem is that next doors back yard is overgrown and very unkempt, so the perfect hiding place for a family of rats no doubt. 

Now, I leave food out for the birdies on a regular basis, nuts, seeds, bread etc. and it would seem that the rats from next door have realised this and have made their way through the adjoining wall, and into my yard.

So allow me to introduce 'Stumpy'....named because he/she has half a tale...maybe through a fight...maybe through getting caught on something....who knows.....all I know is that Stumpy was going hell for leather, getting as much food as it's little mouth could carry, back into the wall from whence it came.

As long as Stumpy doesn't try and find his/her way into my abode, I'm not that bothered what it does. To be honest, Stumpy will do well to live past the weekend with all the neighbourhood cats that use my kitchen roof as a sun trap. Once one of them spots Stumpy, I think they will be enjoying a 'nut filled rat'!

Wednesday, 30 May 2012

Too much time on their hands!

Now, I love to moan and whinge with the best of them....ask my other half....but it baffles me what some people complain about. To the point of actually contacting Ofcom, and placing an official complaint about the most minor of things....that could remove a perfectly brilliant advert...or even get someone the sack...just for coming up with something creative and off the wall!

Today, there has been a list released revealing 'The Top 10 most complained about Adverts', as logged by Ofcom. Every single one, as far as I can see...clever advertising!

The video above is a 2005 KFC commercial, which depicts office staff enjoying the food so much, that they are singing with their mouths full....not sure why it deserved to get as many as 1,671 complaints....non of which were upheld. I could understand if it was a 'Venkys' advert (Rovers Fan), but it wasn't...just clever advertising. Maybe alot of people thought they should eat with their mouths shut....which I agree with...but I wouldn't pick up the phone, or write a letter to make an official complaint!

In at number three in the Top 10 was an advert for Paddy Power, which received 1,313 official complaints.

I own a cat, and I love her dearly...but I think this advert is hilarious...clever use of humour to get the message across. Anyone with any sense can see that no animals were harmed in the making of this advert, and if any chav moron thugs decide to recreate the commercial...that's their twisted messed up head doing it...not the influence of a television advert!

It really pisses me off, the way that people blame television, film, computer games and music for the actions of some individuals. You have to have a serious screw loose, and major mental problems to carry out criminal offences..then blame a CD that you listened to...or a video game that was so realistic that it made you think...yeah...I'll go and kill a load of people because the game told me to....jeez...get the straight jacket ready...because your a mental!!

During my career on the radio, I have managed to clock up one official Ofcom complaint...which is pretty good going with some of stuff that has spilled out of my gob! My complaint was for taking the piss out of the Conservatives, by ringing the HQ and trying to apply for William Hague's job when he resigned. Some devout blue in the local area took offence, and contacted Ofcom directly because they thought it was in bad was investigated.....then Ofcom said they weren't taking it any further because they didn't see a problem with it, after hearing the audio. 

There are so much more important things in this world worthy of spending the time and effort complaining about, than some of the shit, pointless things that seem to occupy peoples pathetic little lives!

Think about what you are about to complain about, before you pick up that phone...or that pen.........................or even that blog...........what do you know.....I'm complaining now....ha!

Tuesday, 29 May 2012

I'm Dying!

Ha! Not really, but I sure feel like death warmed up today. What is it about colds that completely stop men in their's pathetic! I can quite happily say this...because I am a bloke.

I was at my Mothers yesterday to help her celebrate her 21st Birthday again....(Happy Birthday if your reading this mum), and started to feel the cold taking hold then. On arriving home, things started to glands.....sicko's. Then the tingling feeling all over my body followed...that horrible feeling that if someone touched would hurt! Every nerve ending starts to shiver, and you know that the next few days are going to be hell!

Of course they aren't, you just feel utterly terrible...and it's all about the sympathy votes you can gain.

The main problem with feeling like this...runny nose....sore throat...and banging head ache, is that it's not very helpful for my line of work...doing Voice Overs...using my voice, which is now temporally screwed. 

I'm currently on 'Ibuprofen' and warm 'Ribena'....there are other vitamin packed drinks out there of course. I'm hoping that this virus, that has decided to investigate my body, sods off very soon, because I'm not ill very of course this has bothered me a tad!

Now, who do we point the finger at for infecting me.....well, I can think of two main of which is my long time good friend 'Spence', and 'Timbo' who I've become friends with through Rossendale Radio. Both of which have been ill the last few weeks...more so Spence....he seems to suffer with colds alot...?

We had a bit of a fancy dress bash over the weekend, celebrating the car crash that is Eurovision....and of course supporting the 'Hump'....who as we all know now, did extremely badly.....I mean, being beaten by Jedward once again in the points must hurt......England that is?!? It is all down to politics of course, and the rest of Europe hating us. I think if we had Robbie Williams or Elton John sing our Eurovision song, we'd still get stuffed. 

Anyway, at said party, alot of booze was consumed (mainly to help with watching Eurovision), and Spence was 'again' feeling a little under the my finger is well and truly pointing at him as the host for the dreaded virus, which now resides inside me.

Maybe I should call everyone to a meeting...Miss Marple stylie, and announce who the poisoner is......'I've gathered you all here, to reveal who has made me feel like a pathetic sniveling human being, who is finding it hard to even type this drivel'......'It was you Spence...wasn't it...with your long working hours, lack of sleep and studio germs'!.....'Take him away, lady dressed as a Disco Ball....and put him to bed....tuck him in, and make sure that he gets his full eight hours sleep'!

Either way, apologies to the next person that I no doubt will infect.....just hope it's not my mum....Happy Birthday...Love You.

Monday, 21 May 2012

Shaken not Stirred!

We had the official release of the new Bond blockbuster trailer today....'Skyfall', with of course Daniel Craig in the lead role once again. 

It features all the tell tale signs, and indicators that should be in Bond movie...beautiful women....tailored chases......suave Bond.....and a mysterious baddie in the shadows....ooooo exciting!

Now, the Bond movies have been around for some time, and I've always been a fan of them....even with Timothy Dalton, but has the original charm gone from the silver screen version of our patriotic spy hero? 

At this point I have to admit that I preferred the humour aspect provided by Roger Moore, and of course the legend Sean Connery. That element seems to have disappeared over the years, but Pierce Brosnan was a welcome addition to the Bond family, bringing his comedy delivery and dashing good looks to the role. When I found out that Brosnan was moving aside for a younger Bond to take over, I was a little worried that the role would become a bit of a over egged pudding.....but I like the style and feel of Daniel Craig in the role. 

Going against the stereotype Bond....tall, dark and hansom.....Craig is stocky and blonde....shock horror....a blonde Bond! Although saying that, they do seem to have toned down his hair colour for this new film. Since the introduction of Craig to Bond, the films style has changed dramatically as well...going darker and more gritty...this not a bad thing in my books. I always thought the original movies were always a little too technicolour....but then, that was the style back then. It just always seemed wrong for it to be so colourful, when there was so much death around....I mean, Bond did bump off quite alot of people didn't he.....all deserving of it of course. Hence the fact that Bond has had to move with the times, and most movies recently have gone dark.....again, I like this feel. If you were a trained killer, you wouldn't ideally be running around in broad'd be hiding in the shadows....tightly holding your Walther PPK, waiting for that perfect moment to take out your target.....I imagine.

The one thing that has disappeared from the recent movies, are the over the top secret hide aways.....and where are the shark tanks that we all used to know and love....waiting for that informant to stand in just the right place, so the button could be pressed and he becomes fish food.

Two things that have stayed with all the that Bond is always cool as a cucumber straight from the fridge....and the beautiful ladies that simply flock to be near him. Boy oh boy there's been some absolute stunners hasn't there!?! I've always wondered if even Bond has had one too many Martinis...shaken not stirred....and woken up the next morning with a swamp donkey....or do you think that simply wouldn't happen, because it's Bond, and he wouldn't lower himself to that old saying 'It's ten to'll do'!

As you can probably tell, I am a tad jealous of the lifestyle that Bond gets to have....not the shooting, strangling, stabbing, running over, punching, kicking, biting, gouging, head butting, nut grabbing, detonating, flame throwing, neck breaking, parachuting.....actually come to think of it, I am incredibly jealous of everything the character is able to fast expensive cars, have any beautiful lady he desires, shoot a man from a mile away, kill someone with his little finger....and be able to walk out of the ocean wearing boxing trunks without ladies laughing at how small my manhood is.....hung like a pigmy shrew.

So the new super cool Bond film 'Skyfall' is out 26th October 2012, put it in your diary, and between now and then...try to get as many cheesy Bond one liners into conversation as you can!

Tuesday, 15 May 2012

Stop being Pretentious!

I was looking at some showbiz gubbins on line earlier, watching in interview with the director of the apparently awful 'Battleship'...I haven't had the miss fortune yet to see Rihanna in her big screen acting debut...I've heard it's not great...anyway, when the vid finished, one of the next selections was this wonderful VW concept car (see above), designed I'm guessing by a competition winner (who appears at the end of the clip). The car doesn't exist of course, but what a wonderful prize...your design coming to life on the big screen, in front of your friends and family...nice!

Now, I have absolutely no idea what is being said in the video, but you can kind of get the gist of how the concept car might work, and how it may look if created. The reason why I'm talking about this today, is because I'm sick and tired of all the pretentious car adverts out there, infecting my magic picture box. There are so many b******t adverts for massive gas guzzling vehicles at the seems that there is really only one company who still have the right idea of how to advertise their cars....VW! They have always been very clever with their promotions, often using humour, but never patronising...always making you think...or smile.

The type of car adverts I hate usually consist of the gas guzzler zooming around a busy city centre...avoiding cartoon characters...? Or driving around a beautiful landscape, occupied by the perfect family..model mum...model dad...and well behaved children in the back, looking at the gorgeous landscape as it whistles by...along with dads he can't afford to fill the thing...or keep up with the down payments for his new toy! They just tend to over complicate things...when it's so not needed.....I seriously think in most cases, if it's a totally over the top usually means the car is utter poop!

Here is a prime example of one of the television adverts that really gets on my wick, every time it appears :

It's just way over the top, too much like, 'I should have taken a red pill to understand it'...I mean I get what it's all about, helping the bird escape her trapped reality..and the car allows her to do that..and of course you...but jeez, does it need to be that 'Matrixy'?

A great film starring, the sadly no longer with us Dudley Moore, is 'Crazy People'....which was all about honest advertising...and I'd love it, if someone out there, in charge of a car company would have the balls to attempt something like this:

If they were just more honest with us....I think as consumers, we'd appreciate it you not think?

One of my all time favourite television car adverts was for the brand new VW Beetle when it was relaunched back in 1998. Now I used to have a classic 1974 VW Beetle, and I certainly didn't buy it for it's, I bought it because I fell in love with it. It just screams's a pic of what mine looked like :

I adored and cherished this car..polished and waxed it every Sunday come rain or shine, and spent a huge amount of money keeping it on the road....then it died...a quite painful death just outside Birmingham on Christmas Eve....what a time to go eh? 

I was giving a lift to a good friend of mine 'Cider Boy'...the name says it all really...and I decided that it would be a good idea to travel during the night from Ipswich to Cumbria...a long old stint in a car with next to no heating...on Christmas Eve...ha! As anyone will know, who's owned a classic Beetle, you need to keep the quarter windows open..otherwise the car steams up, and if your sat in the back of the need thermals..and a cushion. So we are pootling along, and I start to hear a tapping sound from the engine in the back...behind Cider Boy. He looks out of the rear window, and says he can see smoke...then says 'Drive faster...outrun the smoke'! Seeing as the smoke was coming from us, I didn't think there was any chance of us out running it. 

The tapping got louder, and Cider Boy said that there were now flames bellowing from the rear, which must have looked quite impressive to anyone driving down the same stretch of motorway at 2am in the morning..but we were the only fools attempting this journey in the early hours. Cider Boy begin to chortle to himself as I got more and more angry at the situation...his chortles turning to laughter as the car let out an almighty BANG...and then nothing....and we coasted to the hard shoulder, my anger now as hot as the engine. The air in the car was as blue as Cider Boys nose, as I swore my little head off...banging the sport steering wheel, I had only bought the previous week!!

Cider Boy, now in fits of laughter at the situation suggested looking for a brake down phone by the roadside. I didn't fancy getting out of the car, as it was bucketing down outside...and about minus five, but we did, and on route a cop car pulled up alongside us. As we both stood there in the heavy rain, the window came down and we could feel the heat from a torch is shone in our faces, and the cop says ' Morning that your Beetle back there'? Er, yes officer...or do you think we just fancied a stroll on the motorway at 2am in the morning, getting piss wrapped!?! Of course I didn't say that...just in my head...I did say 'Any chance you can give us a lift down to the nearest brake down phone'? The copper said 'No'...and wished us a merry Xmas...then drove off....well cheers! 

After finding the phone, and making the call to come and pick us up, we trudged back to my dying car in the rain. Cider Boy, still giggling at me, clocked the brake down truck, and suggested we got out. The brake down guy was an interesting chap....Brummie...and a bit of a comedian in his spare time. After strapping my poor car to his truck he said 'My truck has just gone down in value, with that piece of crap on the back of it...haha'! I smiled through gritted teeth, and we got in the truck. The comedian dropped us off at a rather horrible greasy cafe, and proceeded to then bill me for the privilege of his company, and the use of his truck. It was then I realised that I didn't have enough money on me to pay for this wondrous service...I said that I would ring my father, to see if he would pay. So that was an interesting call to make...'Hello dad....merry car has blown up on the motorway...could you pick me for the breakdown costs'?....after a few stern words he agreed to pay and make the journey down to pick us up...(thank you dad if your reading this).

As Cider Boy and myself stepped out of the oily breakdown office, the sun was starting to come up over Birmingham...and there in the car park...sat my car...dead. Nothing we could do, but go in the greasy cafe, and wait for my father to come and rescue us. When my dad eventually arrived, a decision had to be made...what to do with my cherished Beetle...I couldn't afford a new we chose to leave it there in the car park of the greasy cafe. It was the weirdest feeling, leaving it truly was heart wrenching to just drive off, and leave it to the elements.

You'll be pleased to hear that it wasn't the end for that plucky car. We phoned a guy we knew who did up Beetles, and basically said to him that the car was his if he went and got it...he agreed, and as far as I know, the car is still driving around now.

Sorry, went off the beaten track there again....back to my favourite telly car advert. Like I said earlier, it was a teaser ad for the brand new look Beetle...and when I saw it on my magic picture box, I was totally blown away by how clever it was...and, it made me buy the 'Aqualung' album as it is :

So simple, and so clever...everyone knew that this was going to be an advert for the brand new Beetle, so of course fans of the classic wanted to see what it looked like....but you hardly see it....all you see, are people transfixed by the car as it drives by...genius!

You can't top that car advert as far as I'm concerned, but VW have come up with another winner again with this one :

Again, using humour to make you like the car...and, always fantastic to see Star Wars references in television it! 

Monday, 14 May 2012

My Hernia has popped Out!

It's the end of the English Premier League for another year...and what a way to end it!

I don't want to utter too many cliches, but there were highs, and of course with every football season...but more so this year!

If you follow English football, you'll know what I'm talking about..if you don't, then you have missed out on real drama...drama good enough to rival stuck up, pretentious theatre plays in London. You see, it all came down to the last weekend of the season to decide who won the Premier League title...and what made it even more sweeter, was the fact that it was two great rivals competing for that coveted trophy...Manchester United...and...Manchester City.

I shall describe to you what happened in my lounge, in front of the magic picture box yesterday in a moment, but first...what happened to my team...Blackburn Rovers...also in the Premier League...but no longer. 

Blackburn Rovers, who I have supported since 1989, when they had no money, and built their squad from local talent and experienced cast offs from around the leagues...have this season been relegated to the lower division. What happened to this once mighty club, who are in an elite group of teams who have won the Premier League....they were sold to chicken farmers, who know next to nowt about football..or what the club stood for, and represented in the local community. Rovers had been struggling financially for some time, since 'Uncle Jack's' money ran out...the same money that improved the stadium they occupy...and the same money that of course bought the Premier League title in the 1994-1995 season. The then board 'The Walker Trust', had a decision to make...battle on....or sell up and cut your loses.......they opted for the latter. Unfortunately they sold to the Venky's, who know alot about chickens...but not alot about football...and in their non existent knowledge they decided to sack the one man who probably could have kept us in the league...Big Sam Allardyce. We wouldn't have been top of the table, and we wouldn't have been bottom...somewhere in the middle if they had stuck with him. Another thing they promised (The Venky's), was investment in the squad...did it We ended up losing our best players, and using the small profit from their sales to buy some not so great players...apart from The Big Yak, who has been a bargain! 

The season has gone from the ridiculous, to the down right miserable. Promises were made from our non present chicken farmer owners that were never kept, and our man at the helm of this ever sinking ship, just kept looking at the positives. Now I commend him for this, but Steve Kean has got to admit to himself, and the fans, that this season has been a shambles...and no it isn't going to be alright next season..because our remaining skillful players will leave to stay in the Premier League with other teams. I totally lay blame on the shoulders of the majority of the players, not all of them...some have put in some magnificent performances...others not so much. The squad have to take a long hard look in the mirror and ask themselves..did they want to stay up...because from what I witnessed from the games I saw..there wasn't enough passion to survive. Eleven players on the pitch should all be putting a shift in, but too many times, it didn't look they could be bothered...and that angered me so much! They have been given this wonderous opportunity, to play football for a living...and get paid a huge amount of money to do so....yet they don't seem to realise who pays their wages.....the fans! If the fans don't like what they see, they will they did, in their droves...and more so, towards the end of the season....directing their anger at the manager....who give him his due, kept his nerve, under ridiculous pressure from the baying mob...and tried to get on with the job in hand. You can't blame Steve Kean...he didn't play one game for Rovers...not once did he pull on a shirt, tie his boots, and come on as a sub....blame the morons in the crowd! They are the ones who didn't put a shift in...even though they are getting more money in a week, than most of you get in a year.

If anyone is to blame in all this's the Walker Trust...for panicking, and selling out to totally the wrong people....soap box moment over.

So back to what I started this blog about in the first place...the big game yesterday. Manchester City needed to win their match against Queens Park Rangers to win the title...Manchester United needed to win their match, but also needed City to not win...both on the same points, but City had the goal difference in their favour. Anyway, the scene was set, both matches kick off at the same time, and I had decided to watch the City game, because it was theirs to I hate United, so I pledged my support to the blue half of Manchester.

The match kicked off, and the tension was unbearable from the first could cut the atmosphere with a knife. It was all City in the first half..trying to get that all important break through....then Zabaleta seized his opportunity...with a lucky goal that looped it's way over the top of the QPR keeper, and into the net. I cheered as it crossed the line, and some of the tension was released from my body..(not like that...sicko). Again, it was all City, trying to get another goal...then, who should pop up..Djibril Cisse, taking advantage of some poor defending courtesy of Lescott for City..and Cisse's power and speed took him through on goal with the ball, and struck hard and low past Jo Hart to draw it level. This was becoming too much to handle, especially as news was coming through that Rooney had scored for United, meaning at that stage, United were top of the table. Then more drama, the thug..Joey Barton (who shouldn't be playing football), lashed out at Tevez...then kicking in frustration Aguero, after being given the red card. As he was pulled from the field, Mario Balotelli tried to get in on the begs the question...why have a t-shirt asking 'Why always me'....when it is always you...being a knob!

Then against the run of play, which is entirely City, QPR go and score again...which is a great goal by Mackie....a fantastic powerful header into the ground, that evades the sprawling arm of Hart once again. Thus making it 1-2 to QPR, and meaning that United are going to win the title.......phew...this game is taking it out of me.

By this stage of the match, I've already had a couple of bevvies, and I'm really getting quite involved in this amazing game of football. Alot of shouting at the magic picture box, and shuffling around in my chair as Dzeko is brought on for City in the latter stages of the match. Now Dzeko hasn't had the best of I was wondering whether he would be up for the task at hand....and boy was he!! In the dying minutes of normal play, the huge Bosnian managed to find space in the QPR penalty area, and smashed a great header into the back of the net....absolute craziness ensued! The City crowd go mental, and so do I as the players grab the ball and run back to the centre circle ready to kick off. They only had seconds to score the winner, that would clinch the title from their arch rivals this point I was off my settee and just inches from my screen...clutching my pint glass, screaming at the telly 'COME ON CITY..YOU'VE STILL GOT TIME'!!

Then something truly unbelievable happened....(see video).....I cannot describe to you what noise came out of my mouth...but I haven't made a noise like that, since watching Blackburn Rovers when they were at their peak.....and it's been a while.....I yelled so hard that my Hernia popped out (I have a hernia by the way) was almost like he wanted to join in the celebrations!! I felt utter euphoria for the players...the manager....but most of all the fans....who had been on the worlds biggest roller coaster...and survived!!

The Manchester City players showed real guts, passion and belief that they could win that game....and it paid off...they got their reward...and gave me, one of the most entertaining, exhilarating games of football I've seen in such a long time.....and I thank you for that! 

Saturday, 12 May 2012

Now that's what I call Entertainment!

Every year Simon Cowell and his minions drag out all the Middle Earth occupiers to take part in yet another edition of his 'Britain's got Talent' show.

This year was no different from many of it's previous incarnations....we had all the freaks in the build up rounds, who's parents and 'friends' tell them that they have some kind of talent, and yes, they think they would be amazing....when in actual fact they suck the big one...and are basically put on our magic picture boxes for us to point and laugh at. Very similar to what we used to do in the circus many years ago.

This is Saturday night telly as we know it now's kind of changed since Bruce Forsyth, Noel Edmonds and Marti Caine was the main stay on our boxes. Do you know what though, I don't mind watching this stuff. I tend to like anything that the magic picture box churns out, because I grew up with the television box being my third was there for me at the flick of a switch, and I kind of love it for just being there...and providing me with entertainment.

Now, I've watched some of this current series...and yes we've had the freaks of nature....but do you know what...this show always finds diamonds in the rough. Susan Boyle being a prime example.....I was one of the millions who said those immortal words when she stepped out onto that stage...'what the f**k is that'? Yes, we all mocked her appearance, and her awkwardness...but then she started to sing...and every single person in that theatre, and around the country (including myself) sat up in our chairs, and we were utterly transfixed to what was in front of us. She had the most amazing actually brought me to tears...seriously! I couldn't believe how good her voice was....and that is what this bizarre show finds stars, who are hiding away in some god forsaken place called Blackburn...Scotland. 

This series has done exactly the same thing, in throwing together the final two acts. I actually watched the one with Jonathon when he made his first appearance on the audition stage, and I remember thinking at the time...'This guy could be another Boyle' (in a nice way). Again the crowd in the theatre gasped at the obese creature that stood before them, not really knowing whether it was female or male. You could hear tittering and laughing from the inbred ticket holders, who obviously hadn't developed from junior school. Then Jonathon spoke, and yet more gasps were heard....mean while I'm sat at home, transfixed, waiting to be blown away by what he had to offer. The reason I knew there was something amazing on the way, was because we had been given an almighty sob story by Jonathon and his singing that always gives you an indication something amazing is about to happen.

The music started, and I was so blown away by what came out of that obese lads mouth, I don't think I blinked....he had one of the best opera voices I had ever was actually humbling to witness what was happening in front of me. Then the emotion kicks in, you think to yourself, this poor lad, who obviously has confidence issues has been given this talent...and you think to need to get used to standing ovations son...because your going to be getting a hell of alot more!

Rumour has it, that Cowell has already got plans for Jonathon....and that is why Cowell is one of the richest men on the planet...he knows that the lad is going to make him money...and he loves his money...and the ladies!

So back to the winner of tonight's show 'Ashlie & Pudsey'.....Cowell all the way through the current series has stressed that he would love a 'Dog Act' to win the show...because he's a fan of dog's.....(insert certain female's name here). He got his wish of course....and to be honest, if I had picked up the phone to vote, my vote would have been for Pudsey. Why I hear you cry...well, for one simple reason....every time I saw them perform on the show, I had a smile from ear to ear...and for some unknown reason I would cry with joy watching them.

It was something about the way Ashlie utterly adored Pudsey, to the point that you could see they had developed the kind of bond that most dog owners can only dream of. Whilst most dog owners are trying to get the family dog to stop eating the wives knickers...Ashlie has got Pudsey moon walking on stage, in front of thousands....on national telly!

I can't explain the inner joy it gave me to see how much they enjoyed each others company, it really made me cry with happiness...and that doesn't happen very often. I often cry at seeing people exude enjoyment...not sure why...I think it's got something to do with the fact that there isn't enough of it around!

So Ashlie and Pudsey have won Britain's got Talent for 2012...and why the hell not!?! There was alot of people on twitter earlier saying what the hell is going on with the world, when a dog wins a talent show.....well, consider this, you negative arse wipes...maybe all the people who voted for them, saw exactly what I saw...a bond that can't be broken...and long may it continue!

I wish them all the success in the world!

Friday, 11 May 2012

Derek gets Commissioned

It's a bit belated, but I felt as though I should write something about Ricky Gervais's show 'Derek' getting commissioned by Channel 4.

I love everything that Gervais has done...even 'Life's Too Short', which let's face it, wasn't his best. It still had moments of brilliance though, that had me in stitches...falling out of his car...sleeping in the drawer...genius!

Derek is Gervais back to his best, the writing, the acting, the emotion...and the humour is bang on the money. 

I remember watching it and going through so many emotions, it is what great British telly is all about. If a program can take you on a roller coaster of emotion, make you cry and laugh at the same time...then as far as I'm concerned, it has ticked all the boxes.

I love how Gervais has once again managed to suck me into this world of Derek's.

The fact that Karl Pilkington is in the series as well, is a huge bonus as far as I'm concerned. The fact that Gervais has given the world Pilkington, is reason enough to give him a Knighthood! Idiot Abroad is one of the funniest shows ever conceived, and I cant wait for Karl and Warwick Davies new show to appear on my magic picture box. Karl just has a knack of making me smile from ear to ear, with his god given talent of producing natural it!

Derek on the other hand does something entirely different...ok, it still has elements that made the Office and Extras such great shows, but it has so much more emotion in it. The fact that it is set in an old folks home instantly makes you attached to what is happening on screen...everyone has grand parents, and everyone fears growing old and ending up in one of those places.

Gervais portrays the character Derek so well, instantly you find him adorable..because he is so nice and his own special way. The attachment he has to the people in the home is heart wrenching, and quite difficult to watch at times.

I found it to be even more difficult to watch because I, like so many, have lost grandparents, and when I see things that remind me of them..I usually get very emotional. The scene where Derek is told that Joan has passed away really hit home, not just because I had sat with my Grandmother on her last day..but because of Gervais's portrayal of the emotions you go through, when someone you love passes away.

He truly is a great writer, producer, performer and comedian, and I really think we should thank him for being in our lives..and for what he has given us...the gift of laughter, and I for one can't wait for Derek the series to start!

Thursday, 10 May 2012

15 Days Later

So, the Avengers movie has hit the cinemas, and I still haven't managed to go and see it. 

I have been waiting..nay, chomping at the bit, to go and drink in all the glorious action on the big screen, but for one reason or another (mainly cash flow), I haven't bought the tickets.

'Looking forward to this movie' is an understatement...there are certain films that come along and I get a kind of Spidey Sense, telling me that I must see this movie. From the announcement of it happening, my inner child began to giggle insanely! 

It happened most recently with the latest 'Transformers' movie, even though I knew that Mr Bay would be filling it with hardly any script as didn't matter...mainly because Optimus Prime would be once again walking glorious CGI! To see him come to life in the first of Bay's outings was a shear delight...literally goose bumps all over me....and nearly a tear of utter joy!

I've had exactly the same feelings about this movie...allow me to explain a little further...remember when you were a child, and you asked your parents for a certain toy for Christmas? Then, on Christmas morning, you ran downstairs in your jimmy jams to see what Santa have left under the tree...all excited you rip open every prezzie, desperately searching for that one special toy! Then, you rip open one large box to reveal that certain item! You fill up with a warm fuzzy feeling...all over, and for that very brief moment, your life is complete. 

Well that is the feeling these kind of movies have given me, and seeing as these certain childhood emotions are very briefly felt...I need that buzz often...well as often as possible!

I remember as a child, watching all of the Avengers cartoon series, and often wondering why Iron Man's battery kept going flat....I always thought 'He can't be using Duracel'. Then as I grew up into adulthood, comic books and the movies turned my head. 

Each of the Avengers individual character films have had great elements, especially 'Iron Man' and 'Thor', both of which were superbly written and performed. Downey Jnr has been a total stroke of genius as Tony Stark, his wit and delivery is second to none.

I've read all the hype, and watched all the trailers.....and now of course, I know the movie is all I'd hoped it would be...but through third party reviews. You have no idea how much this drives me up the wall, that I can't just buy the tickets...for a viewing time specifically when there are no children / old people or chavs....sit in my half way up / middle of the screen, comfy seat...and drink it in...giggling insanely inside. 

That day will come soon....I hope......?